Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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