Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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