did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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