Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
