He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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