i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
