Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
