I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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