why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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