Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
