i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
