we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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