she smelled like a LAN party
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
