Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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