I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
