I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
