i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
