White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Less talking, more tequila
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize