Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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