apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
