I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How does one acquire holy water?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
