Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
