I think I died a long time ago.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
