Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hippo gnu deer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
