I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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