I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
