i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
