so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My ass is underappreciated
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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