Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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