i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
