every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
