She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.