Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie