I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
