Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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