you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
