I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
