cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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