We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
