i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
