We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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