I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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