Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
