Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
