I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
