i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
