The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
