Small penises have feelings too.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
