these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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