i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
