There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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