The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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