I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
