I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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