ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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