quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
