well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
