I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
