I wish i was in the wii world.
the day after is always just damage control
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
