what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
