he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
