I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
