Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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