Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
