im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
