I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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