I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
